1 00:00:04,790 --> 00:00:06,640 _ 2 00:00:07,564 --> 00:00:09,623 I turn 70 and suddenly, boom! 3 00:00:09,659 --> 00:00:12,225 I'm... I am not fit to fly an aircraft 4 00:00:12,270 --> 00:00:14,584 according to my stupid insurance company. 5 00:00:14,795 --> 00:00:16,753 Well, I'll be damned if I'm gonna take orders 6 00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:17,799 from a talking lizard. 7 00:00:18,584 --> 00:00:20,452 No, honey, I don't think that letter 8 00:00:20,485 --> 00:00:22,092 was really written by the lizard. 9 00:00:22,469 --> 00:00:23,949 Of course he didn't write the letter. 10 00:00:23,977 --> 00:00:24,977 He's the CEO. 11 00:00:25,682 --> 00:00:27,265 No, it's okay, honey. 12 00:00:27,306 --> 00:00:30,224 It can be hard to face the reality of age. 13 00:00:30,244 --> 00:00:32,421 No, the reality is I feel fine. 14 00:00:32,896 --> 00:00:35,727 I am completely at peace with my age. 15 00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:40,749 Oh! 16 00:00:41,312 --> 00:00:42,312 John! 17 00:00:42,593 --> 00:00:45,161 Oh, you did a little something 18 00:00:45,281 --> 00:00:46,335 to your head? 19 00:00:46,455 --> 00:00:48,135 I was worried people might not notice 20 00:00:48,180 --> 00:00:49,927 'cause I styled it a little different. 21 00:00:51,662 --> 00:00:53,054 Oh, I think they'll notice. 22 00:00:54,116 --> 00:00:55,754 Oh, my goodness. That's not a hat. 23 00:00:56,505 --> 00:00:57,818 Hey, who's the hottie...? 24 00:00:57,938 --> 00:00:59,685 (gasps) Oh, my God! Oh! 25 00:01:00,133 --> 00:01:02,091 He looks like what happens when you ask a kid 26 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,817 to draw a picture of a pirate. 27 00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:05,723 Or that, that Wooly Willy game, 28 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,796 where you use a magnet to pull little bits of metal 29 00:01:07,826 --> 00:01:09,209 - over a bald guy's face? - Whoa. 30 00:01:10,087 --> 00:01:11,087 Ralph Macchio! 31 00:01:11,432 --> 00:01:13,670 You look like you traveled back in time, 32 00:01:13,897 --> 00:01:16,244 but forgot to take your face. 33 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,116 Hey, if I dyed my hair that color, 34 00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:19,145 would it turn out brown? 35 00:01:19,436 --> 00:01:20,811 Red hair is tough. 36 00:01:20,812 --> 00:01:22,141 Oh... 37 00:01:22,261 --> 00:01:24,642 Cheeto doesn't really love it. 38 00:01:28,197 --> 00:01:30,215 We weren't even celebrating his first birthday. 39 00:01:30,237 --> 00:01:31,925 It was his first half-birthday. 40 00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:34,658 All right then, I will be outside. 41 00:01:35,014 --> 00:01:36,341 Cruising down the sidewalk. 42 00:01:39,923 --> 00:01:41,223 Are you okay with this, Mom? 43 00:01:41,343 --> 00:01:42,990 Yeah, it's pretty level out there. 44 00:01:43,048 --> 00:01:43,874 He'll be okay. 45 00:01:43,911 --> 00:01:45,441 No, 'ca... I'm talking about the hair. 46 00:01:45,471 --> 00:01:47,809 'Cause if you want, Matt and I can hold him down 47 00:01:47,832 --> 00:01:49,178 while you go get the bleach. 48 00:01:49,921 --> 00:01:52,681 Honey, I think it's a beautiful thing what your dad's doing. 49 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:54,458 It's called emotional congruency, 50 00:01:54,502 --> 00:01:56,424 and he's making his outside match 51 00:01:56,459 --> 00:01:57,811 what he feels like on the inside. 52 00:01:58,139 --> 00:02:00,361 I didn't know he felt like a lounge singer on the inside. 53 00:02:02,424 --> 00:02:03,474 JOAN: Oh, honey. 54 00:02:03,504 --> 00:02:04,967 I'm so sorry. 55 00:02:05,087 --> 00:02:08,337 Once I told the principal that Pop-Pop was my grandfather, 56 00:02:08,366 --> 00:02:09,602 everything was okay. 57 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:12,021 It was like the best compliment I had in years. 58 00:02:12,353 --> 00:02:14,176 "Be on alert, a dark-haired 59 00:02:14,296 --> 00:02:15,974 creepy guy, 40 to 50." 60 00:02:17,152 --> 00:02:18,442 Hey, looking good, buddy. 61 00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:20,891 (groaning) 62 00:02:20,892 --> 00:02:22,761 Oh, that's so darling! 63 00:02:22,788 --> 00:02:24,851 You haven't dressed like your dad in years! 64 00:02:24,852 --> 00:02:26,666 - Here, let me take a photo. - What? No. 65 00:02:26,701 --> 00:02:27,751 - (stammers) - Yeah! 66 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:28,993 Oh, look at you both! 67 00:02:30,078 --> 00:02:31,217 - Oh, son of a bitch! - Okay. 68 00:02:31,232 --> 00:02:34,408 - Papa and his two sons, huh? - Look at the three of you, honestly! 69 00:02:35,866 --> 00:02:37,567 - Oh! - Oh! 70 00:02:39,901 --> 00:02:40,683 Oh, I feel like 71 00:02:41,839 --> 00:02:43,969 I'm having an affair with a younger man. 72 00:02:44,089 --> 00:02:46,848 Well, get ready, because that's just the beginning. 73 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,998 I bought six bottles of that dye. 74 00:02:50,118 --> 00:02:51,346 (both laugh) 75 00:02:54,327 --> 00:02:56,375 I might need you to change brands. 76 00:02:56,495 --> 00:02:57,429 Yeah. 77 00:03:01,372 --> 00:03:01,905 Huh? 78 00:03:02,369 --> 00:03:04,148 I don't know, you know? 79 00:03:04,613 --> 00:03:06,941 I already have a perfectly good jacket. 80 00:03:06,942 --> 00:03:10,067 So, live a little. I mean, look at me. 81 00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,618 I've never felt better or looked better. 82 00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:14,601 I'm very happy for you. 83 00:03:15,273 --> 00:03:17,131 I'm gonna let somebody else love this. 84 00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:18,442 Tell her she should get it. 85 00:03:18,797 --> 00:03:21,586 Oh, your son's right. It looks great on you. 86 00:03:22,662 --> 00:03:23,351 Excuse me? 87 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,325 (louder): It looks great on you. 88 00:03:25,541 --> 00:03:27,206 Just like my son said? 89 00:03:27,512 --> 00:03:28,311 Yes! 90 00:03:28,838 --> 00:03:29,892 Oh, excuse me. 91 00:03:32,892 --> 00:03:33,941 I'll dye it back. 92 00:03:34,229 --> 00:03:35,101 That would be best. 93 00:03:51,923 --> 00:03:52,522 I didn't do it. 94 00:03:52,545 --> 00:03:54,199 That one was trapped in the couch from earlier. 95 00:03:54,249 --> 00:03:55,271 Sh-she... look. 96 00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:56,701 She's gonna practice. 97 00:04:05,267 --> 00:04:07,804 Hey, honey, don't you want to practice your piano? You... 98 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,640 No, I just want candy. 99 00:04:09,687 --> 00:04:11,061 Okay, good talk. 100 00:04:12,091 --> 00:04:13,552 This recital's gonna be a disaster. 101 00:04:13,567 --> 00:04:15,561 She won't practice no matter how many times we tell her. 102 00:04:15,681 --> 00:04:18,391 That is so weird. I knew I sensed candy somewhere. 103 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,983 The entire family's gonna be there. 104 00:04:19,995 --> 00:04:21,658 Everybody's gonna judge me. 105 00:04:22,106 --> 00:04:23,890 Wait, you're worried about yourself? 106 00:04:24,577 --> 00:04:26,061 Wha...? What about me? 107 00:04:26,292 --> 00:04:28,831 Oh, come on, dads never get judged. 108 00:04:28,951 --> 00:04:30,840 Only moms get judged. 109 00:04:31,089 --> 00:04:32,863 You're a hero just by showing up. 110 00:04:33,228 --> 00:04:35,592 Look, who knows, maybe Sophia's been sneaking off 111 00:04:35,635 --> 00:04:37,093 to practice when we're not around. 112 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,272 Yeah, because kids do that. 113 00:04:38,324 --> 00:04:40,111 They sneak off to practice during their free time. 114 00:04:40,152 --> 00:04:41,402 You know, when they're not secretly 115 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,021 flossing and eating their vegetables. 116 00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:44,127 (knocks) 117 00:04:44,978 --> 00:04:45,616 Hey, sweetie. 118 00:04:46,015 --> 00:04:46,627 Hi, Mom. 119 00:04:46,747 --> 00:04:48,371 I'm gonna just get right into it. 120 00:04:48,430 --> 00:04:48,822 All right. 121 00:04:50,405 --> 00:04:52,391 Um... okay. 122 00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:55,119 Your dad and I are concerned that you're not practicing. 123 00:04:55,391 --> 00:04:56,975 And you know, I used to play piano 124 00:04:57,004 --> 00:04:59,025 when I was your age, but I-I don't anymore, 125 00:04:59,061 --> 00:05:02,561 because nobody made me practice, and I wish that they had. 126 00:05:02,887 --> 00:05:04,349 Well, no one's stopping you now. 127 00:05:04,748 --> 00:05:05,391 Go ahead. 128 00:05:05,981 --> 00:05:06,731 We're talking about you. 129 00:05:08,047 --> 00:05:08,771 And 130 00:05:09,036 --> 00:05:11,837 I had a recital when I was your age, 131 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:12,396 and it... 132 00:05:14,201 --> 00:05:14,981 it did not go well. 133 00:05:15,938 --> 00:05:16,981 And I regret that. 134 00:05:17,904 --> 00:05:18,368 Mom, 135 00:05:19,615 --> 00:05:20,771 don't worry so much. 136 00:05:21,429 --> 00:05:22,391 It'll be fine. 137 00:05:23,501 --> 00:05:24,392 I promise. 138 00:05:26,602 --> 00:05:28,062 (indistinct chatter) 139 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:32,007 - Hey! - Hi. 140 00:05:32,452 --> 00:05:33,558 - Sorry we're late. - Hi! 141 00:05:33,929 --> 00:05:35,185 It's my fault. I had a hard time 142 00:05:35,305 --> 00:05:36,561 figuring out recital casual. 143 00:05:36,562 --> 00:05:38,335 You know, you guys really don't need to be here. 144 00:05:38,455 --> 00:05:40,532 You could leave. I'll-I'll give you pizza money. 145 00:05:40,596 --> 00:05:43,426 Honey, relax, we're here because we love Sophia. 146 00:05:43,693 --> 00:05:45,519 And we're gonna be proud of her no matter what. 147 00:05:45,639 --> 00:05:47,404 Okay, were you proud of me after my recital? 148 00:05:47,524 --> 00:05:49,154 - Well... - No, you were terrible. 149 00:05:49,212 --> 00:05:51,651 I brought flowers, but I gave them to another little girl. 150 00:05:52,074 --> 00:05:53,042 Wow, that's cold. 151 00:05:53,162 --> 00:05:54,736 No, it's not. She was horrible. 152 00:05:54,757 --> 00:05:56,892 - It was one of my earliest memories. - Yeah. 153 00:05:56,895 --> 00:05:57,891 You know, the important thing is, 154 00:05:57,934 --> 00:05:59,641 we're all here to support Sophia. 155 00:05:59,899 --> 00:06:02,177 Well, I'm here heroically. 156 00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:05,021 HEATHER: Oh, my God, it's happening. 157 00:06:05,054 --> 00:06:05,888 It's happening. 158 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,352 (playing classical music) 159 00:06:23,114 --> 00:06:25,170 Oh, this kid is good. 160 00:06:25,290 --> 00:06:26,823 He's like a young Yo Mama. 161 00:06:26,943 --> 00:06:27,732 (shushes) 162 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:33,914 (stammers) I can't do this. 163 00:06:33,944 --> 00:06:34,924 I-I can't let her do this. 164 00:06:34,953 --> 00:06:36,456 Yeah, you go save her and I'll stay here 165 00:06:36,502 --> 00:06:37,479 and continue to be a hero. 166 00:06:37,599 --> 00:06:37,968 Get... 167 00:06:40,187 --> 00:06:40,847 What? 168 00:06:41,543 --> 00:06:42,885 What? No. This is saved. 169 00:06:48,091 --> 00:06:50,141 Hi, hi, excuse me. 170 00:06:50,142 --> 00:06:52,713 Hi, hi. I'm Sophia's mom. 171 00:06:52,916 --> 00:06:55,883 And-and there's been a-a horrible 172 00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:58,141 emergency with her pet. 173 00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:00,021 It's really... 174 00:07:00,063 --> 00:07:00,897 _ 175 00:07:00,948 --> 00:07:01,408 (music stops) 176 00:07:01,528 --> 00:07:03,941 (audience applauds) 177 00:07:04,569 --> 00:07:05,942 (Heather mumbles) 178 00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,059 I-I couldn't save her. It's happening again. 179 00:07:20,083 --> 00:07:22,731 (playing piano well) 180 00:07:22,732 --> 00:07:25,351 (plays wrong notes) 181 00:07:25,352 --> 00:07:28,352 (playing poorly) 182 00:08:01,818 --> 00:08:02,982 (audience applauds) 183 00:08:08,075 --> 00:08:09,548 It's okay, sweetie. 184 00:08:09,571 --> 00:08:11,231 I'm sure you did the best you could. 185 00:08:11,351 --> 00:08:13,836 Yeah, don't worry about it, you know? 186 00:08:14,132 --> 00:08:14,957 She was great. 187 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:15,961 She looked cute. 188 00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:17,401 Oh, damn it, I was gonna say cute. 189 00:08:17,441 --> 00:08:19,079 Um, you know what, come back to me. 190 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,309 She was terrible. 191 00:08:20,429 --> 00:08:21,182 That was my other one. 192 00:08:28,033 --> 00:08:30,249 Mom, it happened again. 193 00:08:41,536 --> 00:08:42,239 Hey, kiddo. 194 00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:43,181 - Good job. - Hey! 195 00:08:43,525 --> 00:08:44,687 Oh, hey, sweetie. 196 00:08:44,708 --> 00:08:45,601 Are you okay? 197 00:08:45,962 --> 00:08:46,667 SOPHIA: Of course. 198 00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:47,731 Why? 199 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,561 They posted the performance order last week. 200 00:08:51,154 --> 00:08:53,804 Once I saw Wet Willy was going after me, 201 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,919 I knew no one would remember if I was any good or not. 202 00:08:57,255 --> 00:08:58,942 - Uh, didn't you want to be the best? - Yeah. 203 00:08:59,262 --> 00:09:00,521 Are you the best doctor? 204 00:09:00,887 --> 00:09:01,554 - (scoffs) - Well... 205 00:09:03,025 --> 00:09:03,391 No. 206 00:09:03,698 --> 00:09:05,410 Right, but are you the worst? 207 00:09:06,616 --> 00:09:07,281 No. 208 00:09:07,878 --> 00:09:09,242 Well, there you go. 209 00:09:14,664 --> 00:09:15,309 You know, at first 210 00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:16,732 - I thought this party was horrible. - Yeah. 211 00:09:17,071 --> 00:09:19,483 No, it turns out, it's just these people and the school. 212 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,606 The cake balls are amaze, though. 213 00:09:24,816 --> 00:09:26,912 _ 214 00:09:26,932 --> 00:09:28,338 _ 215 00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:31,108 Hey, come on, what are we doing here, babe? 216 00:09:31,144 --> 00:09:32,922 I mean, Lark doesn't even like William. 217 00:09:32,951 --> 00:09:34,088 It's Wilhelm. 218 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:36,664 And, you know what, this is Lark's first kids party. 219 00:09:36,693 --> 00:09:38,263 You know, we-we have to enjoy it. 220 00:09:38,315 --> 00:09:40,479 Oh, my God, Jen! 221 00:09:40,508 --> 00:09:42,074 - Honey. (smacks lips) - Okay. 222 00:09:42,077 --> 00:09:44,113 You look amaze. 223 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,396 You must be Greg. 224 00:09:46,626 --> 00:09:49,743 Uh... yeah, we've met five times. 225 00:09:49,744 --> 00:09:51,474 I changed a flat tire for you once. 226 00:09:51,517 --> 00:09:53,493 (laughs) You are so funny. 227 00:09:53,494 --> 00:09:54,913 Jen, he is so funny. 228 00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:56,164 Hi, Marta! 229 00:09:56,208 --> 00:09:57,844 You look amaze! 230 00:09:58,574 --> 00:09:59,483 That's Marta Pigeon. 231 00:09:59,529 --> 00:10:01,484 She's the head of the preschool I was telling you about. 232 00:10:01,784 --> 00:10:03,948 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Earliest Beginnings Academy. 233 00:10:04,068 --> 00:10:05,243 It's the best preschool in the city, 234 00:10:05,244 --> 00:10:06,417 and we want the best for Lark. 235 00:10:06,441 --> 00:10:07,614 Go schmooze her five minutes ago. 236 00:10:07,643 --> 00:10:08,977 Hi. 'Kay, I'm gonna go. 237 00:10:09,267 --> 00:10:10,317 Hey! 238 00:10:10,532 --> 00:10:12,173 You look amaze. 239 00:10:12,844 --> 00:10:14,783 Why can't Lark just go to that sweet little preschool 240 00:10:14,784 --> 00:10:15,301 at the end of our street? 241 00:10:16,103 --> 00:10:17,180 Lower your voice 242 00:10:17,614 --> 00:10:19,480 and raise your standards, okay? 243 00:10:19,526 --> 00:10:21,323 Preschool's gonna set the academic tone 244 00:10:21,324 --> 00:10:22,325 for the rest of Lark's life. 245 00:10:22,354 --> 00:10:23,816 Like, you know those kids we grew up with 246 00:10:23,845 --> 00:10:25,340 that we hated who had every advantage? 247 00:10:25,368 --> 00:10:26,218 Don't we want that for Lark? 248 00:10:26,394 --> 00:10:27,791 Well, yeah, but I don't think they make 249 00:10:27,810 --> 00:10:29,510 red Celicas with spoilers anymore. 250 00:10:29,970 --> 00:10:31,483 Oh, look, oh, oh, ooh, she's not talking to anybody. 251 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,687 Hey, I want to go tell her that Lark's obsessed with Beethoven. 252 00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:35,274 Okay, I don't think it's that impressive. 253 00:10:35,450 --> 00:10:36,676 Well, I'm not gonna tell her it's the dog movie. 254 00:10:36,731 --> 00:10:37,406 Okay, good. 255 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:41,712 Ugh, damn it. 256 00:10:42,444 --> 00:10:44,177 Hey, honey, act like you're going for a chip or something. 257 00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:47,113 What? 258 00:10:48,744 --> 00:10:51,654 (laughter and indistinct chatter) 259 00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:54,980 Where are the real animals? 260 00:10:55,161 --> 00:10:57,283 Oh, this is a stuffed animal petting zoo. 261 00:10:57,284 --> 00:10:58,569 No E. coli. 262 00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,274 But the kids still Purell afterwards, 263 00:11:00,332 --> 00:11:02,863 so they know what to do if they ever touch a real animal. 264 00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:06,307 Okay, but, uh, but whose, uh, droppings is he scooping up? 265 00:11:06,427 --> 00:11:08,048 Those are chocolate-covered raisins. 266 00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:08,964 Yum. 267 00:11:10,759 --> 00:11:13,831 So, uh, your guys' kids go to, uh, Earliest Beginnings? 268 00:11:14,058 --> 00:11:16,186 - Yeah. - Yeah, my Atticus and her Vidalia... 269 00:11:16,222 --> 00:11:17,537 are Quinoas together. 270 00:11:18,093 --> 00:11:18,982 They were Buddhas, 271 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,129 but then they folded that class into the Recyclers. 272 00:11:21,339 --> 00:11:22,704 Are you applying to Earliest Beginnings? 273 00:11:22,927 --> 00:11:24,153 GREG: Oh, yeah. 274 00:11:24,154 --> 00:11:25,127 Yeah, fingers crossed. 275 00:11:25,366 --> 00:11:26,846 Well, Earliest is pretty tough. 276 00:11:27,397 --> 00:11:29,323 I married a woman, and that only moved me up 277 00:11:29,324 --> 00:11:30,823 a few places on the list. 278 00:11:31,088 --> 00:11:33,003 Not that I did it for that reason entirely. 279 00:11:33,032 --> 00:11:35,204 I mean, I also wanted to have orgasms. 280 00:11:36,049 --> 00:11:36,999 So where else are you looking? 281 00:11:37,543 --> 00:11:38,015 Uh... 282 00:11:38,668 --> 00:11:40,704 oh, uh, a lot of places. 283 00:11:42,809 --> 00:11:44,833 Yeah, uh, I'm, uh, just, uh, 284 00:11:44,891 --> 00:11:46,414 God, I'm trying to remember some of the names. 285 00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:47,234 Um... 286 00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:49,902 rainbows is one of them. 287 00:11:50,106 --> 00:11:51,989 In fact, it's-it's at the top of our list. 288 00:11:52,649 --> 00:11:53,091 Oh. 289 00:11:53,860 --> 00:11:54,708 Oh, no, no, no. 290 00:11:55,056 --> 00:11:57,048 Uh, you know, it's funny, they don't have a website. 291 00:11:57,570 --> 00:11:57,947 Yeah. 292 00:11:58,302 --> 00:11:59,165 Don't have a website. 293 00:11:59,398 --> 00:12:00,338 They don't have a phone number. 294 00:12:00,356 --> 00:12:01,638 They don't even have an address. 295 00:12:02,046 --> 00:12:02,751 In fact... 296 00:12:04,410 --> 00:12:07,203 the name of the school is Invisible Rainbows. 297 00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:08,993 Yeah, 'cause it's a, um... 298 00:12:09,652 --> 00:12:11,647 it's a, uh, pop-up school 299 00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:14,285 that's in a different place every day. 300 00:12:15,204 --> 00:12:16,197 Like a rainbow. 301 00:12:16,623 --> 00:12:17,919 Yeah, sure. 302 00:12:21,954 --> 00:12:22,524 Hey, psst. 303 00:12:22,733 --> 00:12:23,150 Huh? 304 00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:24,814 You know, at first 305 00:12:24,851 --> 00:12:26,419 - I thought this party was horrible. - Yeah. 306 00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:29,413 No, it turns out, it's just these people and this school. 307 00:12:29,628 --> 00:12:31,169 The cake balls are amaze, though. 308 00:12:31,220 --> 00:12:33,434 Okay, well, you know what, you're in luck, 309 00:12:33,702 --> 00:12:35,493 'cause turns out... don't do that. 310 00:12:35,551 --> 00:12:39,286 Turns out, there is a newer, hotter preschool 311 00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:41,573 called Invisible Rainbows. 312 00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:43,752 But, I mean, I doubt we could ever get in. 313 00:12:43,773 --> 00:12:45,322 I-I don't even think we could find it. 314 00:12:45,396 --> 00:12:45,922 (snorts) 315 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:47,503 What? 316 00:12:47,791 --> 00:12:48,763 I'm pretty sure we can get in. 317 00:12:49,506 --> 00:12:49,922 What? 318 00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:51,423 Yeah, I know the guy who started it. 319 00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:52,337 Shut up. 320 00:12:52,457 --> 00:12:53,791 Yeah, it's me. 321 00:12:54,244 --> 00:12:55,323 I made it up. (laughs) 322 00:12:55,634 --> 00:12:56,270 What? 323 00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:58,329 What is wrong with you? 324 00:12:58,496 --> 00:13:00,598 I don't know. Uh, look, uh, they were just asking me 325 00:13:00,608 --> 00:13:02,163 all these questions and pressuring me. 326 00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:03,723 You know, "What school are you applying to?" 327 00:13:03,738 --> 00:13:05,079 I said, "I don't know," and I just... 328 00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,124 spat out Invisible Rainbows, and here we are. 329 00:13:08,347 --> 00:13:09,963 I even told 'em I designed the logo. Look. 330 00:13:11,132 --> 00:13:11,780 There's nothing on... 331 00:13:12,824 --> 00:13:13,730 Oh, okay. 332 00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:15,548 Yeah, because at Invisible Rainbows, 333 00:13:15,859 --> 00:13:17,455 they only see the children. 334 00:13:17,966 --> 00:13:18,684 You're so dumb. 335 00:13:18,804 --> 00:13:20,323 Oh, my God, you're so dumb. 336 00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:21,703 JEN: Oh, oh, oh. 337 00:13:21,823 --> 00:13:22,464 Check it. Marta. 338 00:13:22,487 --> 00:13:23,823 She's separating from the herd. 339 00:13:24,254 --> 00:13:24,970 - Okay, you know what? - Okay. 340 00:13:25,018 --> 00:13:27,854 Let's pounce on her like a stuffed lion at a fake zoo. 341 00:13:27,895 --> 00:13:29,852 - (clears throat) Well, we're at a fake zoo. - Okay. 342 00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:31,594 - Oh, hi, hi, hi. - Hi. 343 00:13:31,635 --> 00:13:33,584 - Hi, sorry, I'm Jen... Collins Short. - Mm-hmm. 344 00:13:33,704 --> 00:13:35,697 - This is my husband, Gregory Short. - Hi. 345 00:13:35,727 --> 00:13:37,598 And this is our daughter, uh, Lark. 346 00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:40,337 Oh, from Percy Bysshe Shelley's "Ode to Skylark"? 347 00:13:41,046 --> 00:13:42,646 - Exactly right. - Mm-hmm. 348 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:43,739 How did you know? 349 00:13:43,814 --> 00:13:45,308 Yeah, most people don't get that reference. 350 00:13:45,368 --> 00:13:47,094 Um, anyway, we love your school. 351 00:13:47,145 --> 00:13:49,345 Oh, I heard you two were seriously considering 352 00:13:49,368 --> 00:13:50,173 another school. 353 00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:51,143 - (scoffs) - Oh. 354 00:13:51,389 --> 00:13:51,933 (laughing) 355 00:13:51,984 --> 00:13:53,935 - Do you mean Invisible Rainbows? - Mm-hmm. 356 00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:57,505 Yeah, no, that-that-that school doesn't seem very... real. 357 00:13:57,625 --> 00:13:59,363 Honestly, I know the head of that school, 358 00:13:59,364 --> 00:14:01,244 and she can't be trusted. 359 00:14:03,324 --> 00:14:03,820 The... 360 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:05,914 Invisible Rainbows? 361 00:14:05,915 --> 00:14:06,378 Mm-hmm. 362 00:14:06,449 --> 00:14:07,571 Very dishonest. 363 00:14:07,691 --> 00:14:09,187 - Very dishonest. - Mm-hmm. 364 00:14:09,406 --> 00:14:10,823 The only thing invisible there 365 00:14:10,824 --> 00:14:11,737 are the iPads. 366 00:14:11,759 --> 00:14:14,089 (whispering): We average 1.5 per student. 367 00:14:14,574 --> 00:14:16,140 Not bragging, just telling. 368 00:14:16,784 --> 00:14:18,675 (whispering): Well, that's very good to know. 369 00:14:18,795 --> 00:14:19,976 (whispering): Wow, wow, wow, wow. 370 00:14:20,046 --> 00:14:20,788 Yeah. 371 00:14:21,554 --> 00:14:22,755 Okay. I... 372 00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:25,438 You know what, Marta, 373 00:14:25,558 --> 00:14:27,550 thank you so much for your honesty. 374 00:14:27,585 --> 00:14:28,310 Oh... 375 00:14:28,339 --> 00:14:29,070 And, um, 376 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:31,622 your iPad ratio seems off the charts, 377 00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,243 but I think we've... 378 00:14:33,244 --> 00:14:34,752 we've actually found a-a preschool 379 00:14:34,788 --> 00:14:36,299 that's, uh, right down the block. 380 00:14:36,864 --> 00:14:38,747 Oh? Which one is that? 381 00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:42,244 It's called Close and Good Enough. 382 00:14:42,985 --> 00:14:44,129 And the people there aren't 383 00:14:44,173 --> 00:14:45,137 full of chocolate-covered raisins. 384 00:14:45,746 --> 00:14:46,642 Bye, Marta. 385 00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:47,787 (sighs) 386 00:14:47,907 --> 00:14:48,737 Bye-bye. 387 00:14:52,420 --> 00:14:55,633 I could never truly marry again after your father. 388 00:14:55,843 --> 00:14:58,136 Well, you've married four times since, so... 389 00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:00,261 Yeah, but not truly. 390 00:15:03,702 --> 00:15:05,587 _ 391 00:15:06,158 --> 00:15:07,335 (explosions) 392 00:15:07,455 --> 00:15:08,768 - Oh! - Boom! 393 00:15:08,888 --> 00:15:10,763 When the hell did the whale get a gun? 394 00:15:10,883 --> 00:15:11,540 Rematch. 395 00:15:11,605 --> 00:15:13,009 No, I got to get cleaned up. 396 00:15:13,073 --> 00:15:14,216 I'm meeting Colleen's mom tonight. 397 00:15:14,825 --> 00:15:17,760 Ooh... a little window into her future. 398 00:15:17,975 --> 00:15:19,480 Let's hope it's a tall, skinny window, 399 00:15:19,512 --> 00:15:21,676 and not a giant glass wall that can't go sleeveless anymore. 400 00:15:21,862 --> 00:15:23,138 Colleen's beautiful. She's always gonna be beautiful. 401 00:15:23,258 --> 00:15:24,599 Jen's mom is beautiful, 402 00:15:24,614 --> 00:15:26,611 but give her three sips of wine, and she starts crying 403 00:15:26,629 --> 00:15:27,798 about all of her dead pets. 404 00:15:27,918 --> 00:15:28,656 I'm not worried. 405 00:15:28,776 --> 00:15:30,524 And pulling them from her freezer. 406 00:15:30,922 --> 00:15:32,699 Colleen's so amazing that her mother would have to be 407 00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:34,827 a real nut case in order for me to be nervous. 408 00:15:36,756 --> 00:15:37,498 Wow. 409 00:15:39,108 --> 00:15:40,281 Thank you, Mia. 410 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:41,823 Those are some bones. 411 00:15:41,855 --> 00:15:43,570 Colleen told me you're an artist, 412 00:15:43,628 --> 00:15:45,404 so I thought maybe you could paint them, 413 00:15:45,572 --> 00:15:46,827 or, you know, mosaic them, 414 00:15:48,092 --> 00:15:49,532 or, I don't know make planters out of 'em. 415 00:15:49,587 --> 00:15:51,092 What do I know? I'm not an artist. 416 00:15:51,152 --> 00:15:52,633 - (laughs) - Maybe you could macram? them. 417 00:15:53,190 --> 00:15:53,771 Do you do that? 418 00:15:53,829 --> 00:15:54,752 - Oh, yeah, totally. - Do you macram?? 419 00:15:54,763 --> 00:15:55,637 Yeah. Yeah, total... 420 00:15:55,694 --> 00:15:56,884 - That... wow, that's a lie. - Yeah. 421 00:15:56,885 --> 00:15:59,484 I-I-I just said that because I'm nervous 422 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:00,705 and I really want you to like me. 423 00:16:00,924 --> 00:16:02,975 Not a problem, baby, 424 00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,149 not a problem. 425 00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:06,213 You look just like my first husband. 426 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:07,801 Okay. 427 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,964 Uh, Mom... so, last time I saw you, 428 00:16:10,978 --> 00:16:12,732 you were wearing only kimonos. 429 00:16:13,178 --> 00:16:15,278 I assume you dumped Tetsuhiro 430 00:16:15,631 --> 00:16:17,404 and you're dating what, now, a rancher? 431 00:16:17,566 --> 00:16:19,090 Yes. Yes, I am. 432 00:16:19,383 --> 00:16:21,360 Buck happens to be a goat rancher. 433 00:16:21,570 --> 00:16:22,132 Oh. 434 00:16:22,313 --> 00:16:24,430 And he installs hot tubs. 435 00:16:24,490 --> 00:16:25,219 (Colleen laughs) 436 00:16:25,266 --> 00:16:26,553 We are so connected. 437 00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:30,268 And of course, I've always loved big sky country, so... 438 00:16:30,565 --> 00:16:31,991 You raised me in a basement apartment. 439 00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,030 Don't go there. 440 00:16:33,954 --> 00:16:35,053 Times were very tough 441 00:16:35,173 --> 00:16:37,161 when your father up and left us in the middle of the night. 442 00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:38,193 That's fair. Mm-hmm. 443 00:16:38,563 --> 00:16:40,200 Actually, it was more like noon. 444 00:16:41,005 --> 00:16:42,608 I was hungover, I was still asleep. 445 00:16:42,728 --> 00:16:44,011 - MATT: Mm-hmm. - It felt like the night. 446 00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:45,687 Anyway... 447 00:16:45,716 --> 00:16:46,913 I think I'd better go and... 448 00:16:47,033 --> 00:16:48,423 and start my chili. 449 00:16:49,252 --> 00:16:51,907 Buffalo meat takes a long time to render, kids. 450 00:16:54,329 --> 00:16:55,192 Aw... 451 00:16:56,069 --> 00:16:57,237 She and my dad had this, like, 452 00:16:57,288 --> 00:16:59,079 really deep passion running between them, 453 00:16:59,108 --> 00:17:00,572 - so she gets a little worked up. - Mm-hmm. 454 00:17:00,735 --> 00:17:02,122 And she tends to really just throw herself 455 00:17:02,171 --> 00:17:03,256 into all new relationships, 456 00:17:03,285 --> 00:17:04,509 - if you hadn't noticed. - Yeah, no. 457 00:17:04,549 --> 00:17:05,754 No, that's good, it's healthy. 458 00:17:05,777 --> 00:17:07,503 I mean, it's, like, the complete opposite of nuts. 459 00:17:08,241 --> 00:17:08,625 Mm-hmm. 460 00:17:09,501 --> 00:17:10,880 So then he got up on the desk 461 00:17:10,924 --> 00:17:12,383 in front of the whole office 462 00:17:12,384 --> 00:17:13,984 and he told everyone that he was quitting, 463 00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:15,013 just so we could date. 464 00:17:15,014 --> 00:17:17,551 Ooh, that gives me chills. 465 00:17:17,583 --> 00:17:19,093 (laughter) 466 00:17:19,213 --> 00:17:20,184 Well, what can I say? 467 00:17:20,636 --> 00:17:21,384 I was in love. 468 00:17:22,331 --> 00:17:24,036 I love a creative type. 469 00:17:24,757 --> 00:17:27,963 Colleen's dad is also a painter. 470 00:17:28,301 --> 00:17:29,303 Yeah. He's a... 471 00:17:29,304 --> 00:17:30,078 well, he's an artist. 472 00:17:30,287 --> 00:17:31,764 - His name is Miguel. - Mm-hmm. 473 00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,014 He was my first love. 474 00:17:34,264 --> 00:17:36,557 I could never truly marry again 475 00:17:36,677 --> 00:17:37,723 after your father. 476 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,223 Well, you've married four times since, so... (laughs) 477 00:17:40,224 --> 00:17:42,383 Yeah, but not truly. 478 00:17:42,384 --> 00:17:44,593 Mmm. I stand corrected. 479 00:17:44,594 --> 00:17:46,013 (both laughing) 480 00:17:47,506 --> 00:17:48,673 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 481 00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:50,093 Can't let you take the couch. 482 00:17:50,094 --> 00:17:51,633 No, it's fine. You take my bed. 483 00:17:51,943 --> 00:17:52,883 Unless you'd rather sleep outside 484 00:17:52,884 --> 00:17:54,303 under the stars on your bed roll. 485 00:17:54,962 --> 00:17:55,642 You jest, 486 00:17:56,503 --> 00:17:58,383 but it's exciting 487 00:17:58,384 --> 00:18:00,267 to date different types of men, dear, 488 00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:03,430 unlike you, who only have one type of man. 489 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:04,799 And what type is that? 490 00:18:05,271 --> 00:18:05,923 Your father. 491 00:18:06,295 --> 00:18:07,154 Okay. That's not true. 492 00:18:07,155 --> 00:18:08,383 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 493 00:18:08,606 --> 00:18:11,093 Everyone you fall in love with is some version of him. 494 00:18:11,570 --> 00:18:12,024 (laughs) 495 00:18:12,060 --> 00:18:13,923 And he's a passionate dreamer 496 00:18:13,924 --> 00:18:16,553 and he's impulsive and he's sensual... 497 00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:17,843 Okay, that's gross, Mom. 498 00:18:17,844 --> 00:18:19,977 And Matt is nothing like Dad. 499 00:18:20,003 --> 00:18:21,263 Dad walked out on us. 500 00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:23,879 Unlike Matt, who walked out of a job. 501 00:18:24,682 --> 00:18:25,667 Well, that's not the same. 502 00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:27,222 So he's stable? 503 00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:29,612 Never been married before? 504 00:18:30,244 --> 00:18:31,264 Got his own place? 505 00:18:32,085 --> 00:18:33,553 It's complicated. 506 00:18:33,554 --> 00:18:34,763 It always is. 507 00:18:35,122 --> 00:18:36,054 Baby, baby... 508 00:18:36,510 --> 00:18:37,443 I know this guy. 509 00:18:37,995 --> 00:18:39,263 I married him twice. 510 00:18:39,472 --> 00:18:40,544 It's very exciting 511 00:18:40,948 --> 00:18:41,746 and it's wonderful, 512 00:18:42,145 --> 00:18:43,482 because he's in love with love. 513 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,763 And then one day, he gets spooked 514 00:18:45,883 --> 00:18:47,072 and he just takes off, 515 00:18:47,413 --> 00:18:49,686 like a mustang who's spotted a coyote. 516 00:18:50,594 --> 00:18:51,301 (wolf howls) 517 00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:53,223 Ooh, that's Buck calling. 518 00:18:53,224 --> 00:18:54,723 I have to take this. 519 00:18:54,724 --> 00:18:55,934 I'm just gonna go in the kitchen. 520 00:18:55,961 --> 00:18:57,383 This is gonna get a little filthy. 521 00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,384 (wolf howls) 522 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,059 So, you met the mom? 523 00:19:07,296 --> 00:19:08,916 - Mm-hmm. - What's your future look like? 524 00:19:08,956 --> 00:19:10,349 (laughing): Oh, man, she's so nuts. 525 00:19:10,370 --> 00:19:12,140 (both laughing) 526 00:19:12,183 --> 00:19:13,942 You know what I realized, man? It doesn't even matter. 527 00:19:14,192 --> 00:19:15,563 I'm totally in love with Colleen 528 00:19:15,606 --> 00:19:17,337 and I'm going to ask her to move in with me. 529 00:19:17,338 --> 00:19:19,436 Wow! That's great! 530 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,847 You going to get his-and-her garage door openers? 531 00:19:21,876 --> 00:19:24,008 Shut up. No, man. We're gonna find a new place 532 00:19:24,045 --> 00:19:25,734 to move in together. I just, I think it's time. 533 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,030 I'm happy for you. She's a great gal. 534 00:19:28,074 --> 00:19:29,623 She's very special. She's way out of your league. 535 00:19:29,712 --> 00:19:30,535 - Right? - Yeah. 536 00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:32,377 I mean, I'd be a fool not to give it a shot. 537 00:19:32,378 --> 00:19:33,807 - Knock, knock. Hi. - Hey! 538 00:19:33,829 --> 00:19:36,088 - Hey, we were just talking about you. - Speak of the devil. 539 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,548 (laughing) 540 00:19:39,068 --> 00:19:41,447 Okay, well, I'm gonna go take Lark to a baby class, 541 00:19:41,448 --> 00:19:42,224 whatever that means. 542 00:19:42,586 --> 00:19:44,642 Have fun living your life without fear 543 00:19:44,678 --> 00:19:45,606 or any responsibilities. 544 00:19:45,635 --> 00:19:46,136 Thank you. 545 00:19:47,618 --> 00:19:48,306 - Hey. - Hey. 546 00:19:48,426 --> 00:19:49,257 - Hi. - Hi. 547 00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:53,672 - You are so amazing, do you know that? - Oh, gosh, no, I'm not. 548 00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:55,698 - You really, really are. - No, I'm not. 549 00:19:55,701 --> 00:19:57,618 - And I've been thinking a lot about you... - Yeah. 550 00:19:57,619 --> 00:19:58,908 And I think that we should move in together. 551 00:19:58,924 --> 00:19:59,911 I think we should break up. 552 00:20:03,388 --> 00:20:03,674 What? 553 00:20:04,806 --> 00:20:06,096 I think we should break up. 554 00:20:09,230 --> 00:20:09,763 (clears throat) 555 00:20:10,658 --> 00:20:11,311 I heard you. 556 00:20:11,431 --> 00:20:11,878 Mm-hmm. 557 00:20:14,020 --> 00:20:15,305 But we're great, you and me. 558 00:20:15,327 --> 00:20:16,777 We're... we're so good... 559 00:20:17,263 --> 00:20:18,025 I'm sorry, I'm just... 560 00:20:18,068 --> 00:20:20,860 I'm a little bit, um, in shock right now. 561 00:20:21,448 --> 00:20:23,384 Uh, why are you doing this? 562 00:20:23,407 --> 00:20:24,269 The longer we're together, 563 00:20:24,292 --> 00:20:25,926 the harder it's gonna be when it ends. 564 00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:29,594 I have to start making different choices 565 00:20:29,607 --> 00:20:31,568 or I'm going to end up something I don't want to be. 566 00:20:36,379 --> 00:20:37,143 I'm sorry. 567 00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:47,667 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 568 00:20:47,717 --> 00:20:52,267 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0